INEOS Quartermaster new van review

£66,215 - £73,715
5.5out of 10

10 Second Review

With the Quartermaster, INEOS tries its hand at pick-ups. And what a pick-up. It'll go places no other rival will go and feels bullet-proof. Unfortunately though, there's a high price to pay for the privilege.

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Detailed ratings

Pick-Ups
Overall
55 %
Economy
4 / 10
Space
8 / 10
Value
5 / 10
Handling
4 / 10
Depreciation
7 / 10
Styling
7 / 10
Build
7 / 10
Comfort
4 / 10
Insurance
5 / 10
Performance
4 / 10
Equipment
6 / 10

Driving experience

As you'd expect, the Quartermaster drives just like the Grenadier SUV it's based on. Though you notice the rather ponderous feel rather less because a pick-up driver's expectations are somewhat different. As with the SUV model there are two engine choices, both 3.0-litre straight six cylinder units sourced from BMW, so both come mated to the Bavarian maker's usual transmission choice for these powerplants, an 8-speed ZF auto gearbox. Choose between a twin turbo 245bhp diesel or a single turbo 282bhp petrol unit.
The performance stats that matter here of course are quite different ones. There's very little off road that will stop a Quartermaster: it's in a different mud-plugging league to other, lesser pick-ups. Thanks to ground clearance of 264mm, a wading depth of 800mm, an approach angle of 35.5-degrees, a breakover angle of 26.2-degrees (down from 28.2 in the SUV) and a departure angle of 22.6-degrees (well down from 36.1-degrees in the Grenadier). Towing capacity is up to 3.5-tonnes and the vehicle can winch up to 5.5-tonnes.
The engineering here is pretty familiar stuff for old-school off roaders; ladder-framed chassis, solid axles, permanent four-wheel drive, a locking centre differential and a 2-speed transfer case that gives a set of crawler gears for really gnarly tracks. Plus there's Hill descent control and vast wheel articulation.
You won't be expecting too much from the tarmac driving experience (and you shouldn't) but it's OK as long as you accept what you're getting here from a pick-up that's got its off road priorities right. If you really must use your Quartermaster for commuting, the much more refined petrol version's a better bet.
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Design and build

Front-on, you might think this was a Grenadier at first glance because from the nose to the back of the second row seats, the Quartermaster looks the same as its SUV stablemate - or at least the 5-seat Utility Wagon version of that Grenadier, which it's actually based on. Compared to the SUV, the wheelbase has here been lengthened by 35mm, creating an overall Quartermaster length that's nearly a metre longer. With the pick-up, only one size and body shape is available, though a chassis cab model is also offered.
Inside, it's just as in a Grenadier, so you climb up into the driver's seat and get faced with an ugly steering wheel and lots of chunky controls, one of which is a re-skinned BMW iDrive capstan that operates a re-skinned BMW iDrive centre screen. More buttons reside on the aircraft-style overhead control panel built into the roof. Little touches include a curious 'toot' button on the wheel, which operates a low volume 'parp' on the horn to let cyclists know you're there. You won't be as disappointed by all the robust wipe-clean plastics and vinyl surfaces as you would be in a Grenadier.
Some Quartermaster variants feature leather upholstery, but that does seem rather to defeat the point of this utilitarian design. As with the SUV, the wipers are poorly designed, leaving the top half of the screen dirty and the doors take a bit of a slam to shut. The rear seat is very upright, so less comfortable than a Grenadier's, though it is mounted higher than the front chairs, so you get a good view out.
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Market and model

Quartermaster pricing from launch started at £66,215 for either the petrol or the diesel version, including VAT (which in this case you won't be able to claim back). But that's for base-spec, which comes with a fairly stripped-out level of spec but does still include Recaro seats, LED headlights, Pathfinder off-road navigation and a full-sized spare wheel.
INEOS expects most customers to choose one of the two 'Edition' versions, which are named after Belstaff jackets (the hard-wearing clothing brand which is part of the INEOS portfolio) and were both priced from £73,715 at launch. And add a rear view camera, front parking sensors, a heated windscreen and a load bay liner.
The more off-road-orientated option is the 'Trailmaster' model, which features mud-plugging tyres, 17-inch wheels, cloth seats and a what the brand calls a 'Utility Belt' running around the middle of the body for attaching things like shovels and Jerry cans. This derivative also gets a raised air intake. The alternative is the 'Fieldmaster' version, supposed to be more lifestyle-orientated, so it gets smarter-looking 18-inch alloy wheels and what the company calls 'Safari' windows, which are pop-up sunroofs above the front seat occupants. There's also leather upholstery.
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Summary

This is far more our idea of the ultimate pick-up - as it should be given the prices INEOS wants to charge for it. There's simply nothing else out there that's as rugged - or would dare to go the places a Quartermaster would take you in its stride. It won't be for everyone of course - in fact the quirky looks, high running costs and exalted pricing mean it'll be for hardly anyone. And the payload capacities are really disappointing. But if none of that seems important, you fit the Quartermaster customer demographic and like the idea one of these, then nothing else will satisfy you in quite the same way.
If you're seeking the ultimate rugged addition to your dream garage, we can't help thinking that this pick-up model is more appealing than its Grenadier SUV stablemate. Charismatic and idiosyncratic, there's nothing quite like it.
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